Page 2, 25th November 1955

25th November 1955
Page 2
Page 2, 25th November 1955 — Sir.—For many years I have read your correspondents' letters on

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Organisations: Oxley Court
People: Warren Sandell


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Sir.—For many years I have read your correspondents' letters on

this topic and I have so far failed to find that any of them seem to know what is really the basis of a life-long happy marriage, or what really happens when two pc opl e " fall in love " in the way that does and, in toy opinion alone can guarantee, a life-long happy marriage. The old scholastic tag actioncs cunt suppositorum." which means, in effect, that it is not my hand that writes, but me as a person, is not irrelevant, " Falling in love " in the way that I mean is falling in love with the beloved as a whole person, and " whoever loved that loved not at first sight? " Speaking from the man's point of view, he meets a young woman and in a mysterious and " electric " manner he suddenly realises that henceforth without her society life in future will not he bearable. Friends, parents and all others become unimportant. He wants to be with her only. Her comeliness must be the comeliness which, possibly without previous conscious realisation, is the kind of comeliness which he has never met before, but which seems just that for which he has sought. And then, for the Christian man, there is her essential goodness. the anima naturaliter christiana. Somehow he senses this; and soon he sees that his first impression was right, and then she, too, reciprocates in the same manner, and two persons are convinced that they want to be for ever together.

The whole process is, no doubt, " sexual," but in the narrower sense this is a subordinate factor, though obviously there must he the physical attraction as a real and realised factor, but only one factor. True and lasting love must be the love of person for person.

One becomes impatient with those who meticulously analyse the sexual and non-sexual elements in marriage. who advocate the necessity of pre-marital instruction, and who seem to think that the sexual intercourse of married life should be undertaken as a religious duty with a preparation analogous to that for Holy Communion. Is there to be no fun and joyousness in married life? Has not God given this to us? From your columns one would suppose not.

Warren Sandell.

3S0B. Oxley Court, Alexandra Avenue, Harrow.

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